wirevicus

Some admittedly cold answers to frequently asked questions.

Q1. My schedule doesn’t allow me to attend to the first day or week of class. Is that ok? Would you please not drop me?

A. Sorry, if attending the most important day of the quarter isn’t high on your list of priorities, your status in the course isn’t high on mine. This goes quadruple for students who schedule vacations, pilgrimages, road trips, and metaphysical journeys that overlap into the instruction period. The first week of class is when everything gets outlined, organized, and explained. You have to be there.

Q2. I’ve scheduled something for the day of the mid-term, final, or one of the quizzes. Can I take the test another time?

A. No. You can’t. The only instances in which I’ll arrange for a special exam are for DRC students and in cases of a verifiable personal or family emergency. Some other situations sometimes legitimately come into play: religious observances among them. Otherwise the answer is no.

Q3. Darn! My computer crashed! I lost my file! Can I get an extension on the term paper?

A. Nope. Always back up your files onto a separate drive. Your term paper is still due on the scheduled day.

Q4. I didn’t like the grade that you gave me. Would you please change my grade?

A. It is extremely unlikely that I will change your grade. I hardly ever do. If you wish to attempt the bureaucratically agonizing and usually futile process of getting your grade changed, here is what you should do: talk to your teaching assistant (TA) first. If you still are not satisfied, contact me. I will then talk to the TA and evaluate the situation. In the very rare instance that I agree with your assessment, I will initiate a grade change. You are strongly advised not to expect this to happen.

Q5. Will you please write me a letter for law school?

A. The job and educational market for lawyers is amazingly bad. There were 1,180,386 practicing lawyers in 2009, according to the American Bar Association. There were about 232 million adults. By my arithmetic, that’s about one lawyer for every 197 adults in the United States. This is not to say that I won’t write a letter for you, but you’ve got to show me that you are really special and that the world will be a better place if you go to law school.

Specifically you must certify in writing that you are not applying to law school because

• you think it’s a safe bet (it isn’t)
• one of your parents is a lawyer and that means you have to be a lawyer too (it doesn’t)
• you don’t really know what to do with your life (go find out)
• you want to make a lot of money (go sell automatic weapons, college textbooks, or Justin Bieber paraphernalia; that’s much easier than passing the state bar exam).

And if you claim that you want to become a lawyer to save the world, please explain how you plan to get into the relatively low paying field of public interest law after you’ve saddled yourself with 100k of law school debt.

In other words, you have to show me why I should spend a nice chunk of my day cranking out a letter that will lead to the creation of yet another lawyer. We need doctors, engineers, teachers, nurses, community organizers, good public servants, entrepreneurs, and scientists. We don’t need more lawyers.

Q6. Gosh, why are you so mean?

I’m really not mean. I think that once you get to know me, you’ll find that I’m a pretty accommodating instructor.